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I think I'm going to at least begin to use this account for developing possible more "official" blog posts. I've been sort of doing this with my primary LJ (and so, apologies to those who see things more than once), but this seems like a more appropriate place, being, as it is, more tied to my public persona. Or something like that.

It absolutely disgusts me that George Tiller was murdered, shot down on his way into church in cold blood, because he provided late term abortions. He was one of two abortion providers in Kansas. TWO.

And the thing about late term abortion is that they are almost exclusively NOT elective. The women who need late term abortion are not by and large women who do not want to have a child. They are women who chose TO have the child they are carrying, or who at the very least, came to terms with the idea or chose adoption or chose specifically NOT to have an abortion in the first trimester when it is legal by and large.

The women who need late term abortions need them because ultrasound and other testing show with an extremely high success rate (to the extent that "success" is really an appropriate term) that the child they are carrying - that odds are they WANT - is not viable. That it does not have a brain, or lungs or otherwise will be stillborn or live an excruciatingly painful few days before dying.

The women who need late term abortion have been dreaming of motherhood. They have talked to their growing bellies. They have picked out names and nursery schemes. They have registered for tiny little outfits and have been journaling about their progress. Maybe they have a website of belly pictures. Maybe they have older children who are anxious to be big siblings. They have hopes and dreams for this baby, this child they want to raise.

As a mother who had a c-section, I can think of almost nothing more horrible than being pregnant and wanting that child desparately and then being told that your baby will not survive. And add to that the possibility of not being able to terminate the pregnancy in the least invasive and physically tramautic way possible, but then having to either have another c-section or try to have an induced vaginal birth with a child who will most likely be still born - it is almost impossible for me to fathom.

I was completely terrified when I was wisked away for an emergency c-section. I had a panic attack on the table and could not stop shaking, even after they finally let J in to hold me. I was sobbing uncontrollably and the ONLY thing that kept me sane was hearing R's cry and the reassurance that he was big and healthy and pink and whole. I did not feel whole again until they finally tucked him under my chin and I could finally hold him and watch him make little raspberry faces and I cried when they took him away to be cleaned up.

And the fact that the anti-choice movement has managed to create a discussion about late term abortion that makes it sound like a walk in the park enrages me. It makes me want to scream and cry and howl terms like god-damn-inhuman-fuck-necks at the top of my lungs. Their arguments are based on lies. And lest anyone doubt, no woman, EVER, should be stopped at a clinic door. No woman is more or less deserving of abortion on demand without apology.

June 2012

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